


It's not that simple anymore

by jazzybee2000



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bisexual Remus Lupin, Cute Teddy Lupin, Established Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Hurt Remus Lupin, M/M, Raising Teddy Lupin, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Sirius Black Free from Azkaban, Sirius Black Lives, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Werewolf Remus Lupin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:28:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27125872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jazzybee2000/pseuds/jazzybee2000
Summary: “It’s not that simple Sirius, I’m a dad- I have other people to think about’‘Please’And when Sirius looked at him like that he knew he couldn't say no.***When Sirius Black turns up on Remus Lupins doorstep 10 years after the war he has a lot to answer for.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 111





	1. Chapter 1

“I wouldn't be here if I didn't have to be’

The air around the world felt heavy as they hung there, far too much being left unsaid. 

“I know’

It was cold and raining, the weather an almost perfect pathetic fallacy that Remus would have felt was lifted straight from a film if it wasn't his real life right now.

“I’ll be a week at most Moony I…’ 

Remus flinched at the name he hadn't been called in far too long. Moony seemed to be a distant memory now, almost as if it was another person. 

“It’s not that simple Sirius, I’m a dad- I have other people to think about’

‘Please’ 

And when Sirius looked at him like that he knew he couldn't say no.

.  
.  
.

Remus awoke the next morning as he did every morning, still exhausted and desperate for coffee. He padded out of his room in his pajamas not expecting the sight that was before him. 

Sirius Black, wearing an old T-shirt of Remus’ and his pajama bottoms, sat at the table with Remus’ five year old son Teddy, who was still clutching his stuffed dog in one hand listening intently. 

‘So Daddy actually went to school? Hasn't he always just been a grown up?’

“Nah mate- I mean he was the most grown up out of all of us at school but that doesn't mean he was an actual grown up,’ Sirius didn’t seem phased by the question; unusual as Remus didn't have any memory of Sirius being particularly good with kids, although now that he thought about it he wasn't sure when Sirius had actually had much contact with any children when they’d be together. 

‘Is that your motorbike outside?’ Teddy asked, the fickle mind of a five year old clearly at play. ‘Can I have a go on it?’ 

‘Absolutely not’ Remus said, stepping into the room finally. Teddy swivelled round in his chair

“Aww please Daddy it’d be so cool!’ He whined, despite the fact he still wasn't sure if the bike was in fact Sirius’.

‘I can't believe you still drive that death trap’ Remus said to his guest, finally acknowledging the man who looked more unsure of his position now Remus was there. Remus couldn't bring himself to look Sirius directly in the eyes, afraid of what emotions would flare up if he did. 

Sirius snorted ‘still not a fan? I’ve changed a few parts round but its still the same bike’

Remus began making himself a coffee, picking out the biggest mug he could find, feeling he’d need it for the day ahead. Without even thinking about it he made Sirius a tea, not realising this reflex until the mug was full. No point in wasting it, he thought dryly, passing it to Sirius without a word. 

“Breakfast, Ted?’ he asked his son, pulling a bowl down from the cupboard. ‘Cereal or fruit?’ he asked. 

“Chocolate’ Teddy said with a wide grin, as though that’d convince his dad of anything. Remus laughed and made a bowl of cereal as Teddy chattered away to Sirius, asking him a hundred and one questions without leaving room for him to reply. It was only when the food was actually placed in front of him that Teddy took a breath to eat and Sirius was free to get up and talk to Remus.

He approached him tentatively, Remus noticed, as though he was afraid of him or something. Remus couldn't help but miss the days Sirius would come into the kitchen of their little flat and wrap his arms around him. It was a different flat though, it was a different time.

‘I borrowed your landline- I should be able to go by Tuesday’ he said apologetically. Tuesday was five days away Remus quickly counted. Five days of Sirius trapped in his little flat- Remus wasn't sure he could cope. 

‘Fine,’ He said curtly, the word coming out sharper than he had initially intended. If Sirius noticed he didn't let on. He took a big swig of his coffee to give himself something to do. It’d never felt awkward with Sirius before, even when they first met. Everything had just fit together so perfectly it was strange to be left like this. 

‘I really appreciate it- I know…’ Sirius took a breath ‘I know I’ve been a tit before, and I’ll try and keep out of your hair’. Remus didn’t know how to respond and was saved the trouble by having a five year old launched at his legs. 

‘Daddy lets go, I want to be on time for the trip!’ he said excitedly, the excitement of the apparent stranger in their flat all but forgotten now he’d remembered this new exciting event. Remus swore internally, having forgotten all about Teddy’s school trip by the shock of Sirius in his home. 

“Of course- you’re clothes are all laid out in your room- why don't you get dressed whilst I pack your lunch;’ he said, trying his best to keep his voice normal and not flustered. Teddy charged into his room, clearly enthusiastic. Remus began pulling tupperware boxed down to find Teddy's lunchbox. As he made Teddy’s lunch he was far too aware of Sirius’ presence in his kitchen, so much so that whilst cutting the sandwitches he managed to slice a sizable gash into his own finger. 

‘Shit bollocks fuck wank’ he cursed under his breath, turning around and walking straight into Sirius, who’d obviously come closer to check Remus was okay. 

This was the first time they’d been this close since that night, the first time they’d made any physical contact at all since Remus had felt his heart shatter into a million pieces. He didn't know how to react and felt a little greatful for Sirius breaking the silence. 

‘Here-,’ he grabbed a wad of kitchen roll, taking Remus’ hand and wrapping it around the cut finger to apply pressure. And suddenly Remus wasn’t grateful for Sirius at all as now they were only closer together as Sirius held the tissue to Remus’ bloody hand. And Remus wanted to cry and scream all at once, wanted to tell him to fuck off and never touch him again and ask him to never let him go. 

‘Erm- thanks’ he mumbled eventually, taking the tissue and holding it himself. Get a grip remus, he chided himself, be practical and sort yourself out. ‘Listen I’ve got work so I’ll be out of the house all day. Just make yourself at home and I’ll be back by 5,’ 

Sirius nodded, remaining silent as Remus all but ran into his own room. 

……

Sirius was in the spare room when Remus came out again, finding Teddy playing in a pile of toys he’d decided he wanted to bring on the trip. Ten minutes later and a small tantrum over putting on his shoes they left the house. 

The rest of the day was hellish. Remus worked in a muggle school, and Fridays were always the hardest. Everyone wanted to go home, including himself (although that was only to see if the previous night's events had actually been real) so getting any kind of work done was almost impossible. Thank god for his free period at the end of the day. 

He picked up Teddy from school, who chatted excitedly about the trip the entire drive home. They stopped to pick up fish and chips as Remus couldn’t be arsed with cooking. 

‘And then we saw a Lion and Lucy and I rawred at it to see if it’d think we were lions too but it wasn't tricked and then Mrs Morris bought us all ice cream and we sat in the sun and I had chocolate sauce on mine and I got it everywhere!’ Teddy rambled as Remus nodded, trying his best to give his son the usual level of attention he did. 

‘Daddy who was that man this morning?’ Teddy asked, a sudden change in topic not unusual for the five year old. 

‘Oh erm- he’s an old friend of mine from a long time ago’ Remus said, a little thrown by the question. ‘His name is Sirius,’

‘Is he staying over forever?’ Teddy asked

‘No Ted, he’s not’

….

When they made it into the little flat Teddy dropped his bag at the door so Remus almost tripped over it as he walked in, having to give it a quick kick out of the way. He glanced around the flat, his free hand running over his wand cautiously, but couldn’t see Sirius until-

‘Awwww Daddy look theres a dog!!” Teddy squealed, running across to pet the giant black dog that was behind the sofa, asleep. ‘I can't believe you got me a dog!’ 

‘Ted- no that's….’ Remus wasn't quite sure what to say, ‘that's Sirius’ dog,’. But Teddy no longer cared, as he was sat crossed legged on the floor stroking the black dog. 

Remus left his son playing and went to sort the fish and chips, dropping his blazer on the back of a chair and loosening his tie as he went. He plated up and finally convinced Teddy to sit and have some dinner with him, leaving Sirius’ portion on the side. They watched kids telly as they ate and Remus was just happy to be able to sit down. His bones were starting to ache, the full moon approaching far too rapidly. 

Sirius stayed in dog form the rest of the evening, padding around the flat as Teddy followed his every move excitedly. Eventually, Teddy began to yawn and Remus put him to bed, reading him another chapter of his favourite bedtime story before he did. Teddy was far too young for the Hobbit really, but he seemed happy enough to listen to the story and was constantly asking questions about the characters. When Teddy’s eyes seemed to lul Remus placed a soft kiss on his forehead, pulling the blanket over him, and crept out of the room. 

…

Sirius was standing waiting for him in the living room. 

‘Bright kid,’ He said, ‘He’s just like you,’

For the first time Remus looked up and looked Sirius in the eyes. His big green eyes were one of the reasons Remus had loved him all those years ago. 

‘What are you doing here Sirius?’ Remus asked, his voice carrying all the tension he’d felt in his body all day. “The truth this time, please’

It was the word ‘please’ that made Sirius react, he signed and sat down on the sofa. Remus approached cautiously, sitting as far away from the other man as he could on it. He couldn't help but notice how he’d aged in the last 10 years. 

‘I’m still working with the order’ Sirius said eventually, “there's a lot of his supporters still out there that I want gone, that Dumbledore wants gone. I was on a raid that went wrong, a really nasty group that was trying to convince people he’s back. I went in and..’ He gestured to his arm, where the top was bandaged. Remus breathing hitched for a second, wondering how bad the wound was. ‘I got out but not before they found out who I was. They know where I live, who I’d stay with, where I’d hide if I had to. Dumbledore couldn’t help and this was the only place I knew they’d never look,’ 

Remus nodded. It was true, no one could have conceived this would have happened, not after everything that had happened between them. He’d trusted Sirius with his life, and Sirius hadn’t trusted him back. 

‘Fuck I need a drink’ Remus said finally, breaking a silence so pregnant it felt impossible to breath. He wandered to the kitchen and returned with two glasses and a bottle of whisky he hid in the top cupboard. He poured a glass for both of them and necked his in one, needed the liquid courage, watching as Sirius did the same. It was only after the second glass that Sirius spoke again.

‘Why do you live like this?’ he asked, and Remus knew what he was referring to. The entire flat was muggle, his and Teddy’s lives were muggle. Aside from the wand pressing into his leg in his pocket he would have forgotten he was a wizard at all. 

‘I wanted a simpler life.’ Remus said, after some deliberation, ‘I needed it. I needed to leave that world behind me- everything behind me.’ 

‘God it was a shit time,’ Sirius mumbled and Remus could help but chuckle.

‘That's one way of describing it,’ He took another swig of whiskey, the burning in his throat oddly soothing. ‘Do you remember our first bottle of firewhisky?’

Sirius cocked his head, a little shocked by the reminiscence. ‘Of course. We fell down the dorm stairs’

Remus nodded ‘you had a skirt and fishnets on, if I remember correctly,’ 

Sirius laughed ‘I wanted to show off my legs,’ Remus grinned, remembering fondly. ‘It was a great night,’ 

They spent the next hour quietly reminiscing about school, about pranks and quidditch, and getting drunk in the common room. It felt shockingly normal, Remus noticed, but shoved the thought far from his head. They were both clinging desperately to memories as a common ground, too afraid to stray off topic in case things became too real again. Neither man could bring themself to mention James or Lily by name, but they managed. Soon they were both sitting on the floor, half the bottle gone, giggling. 

‘Oh my god I’d forgotten about that! Did we really disrupt the entire dinner?’ 

‘The great fashion show of 89,’ Remus said with a dry smile. There was a record playing quietly in the background, some David Bowie quietly underscoring their evening. 

‘I missed you you know,’ Sirius said, his eyes closing as he said it, like he was afraid of seeing Remus’ reaction. Remus had missed Sirius too, but he knew he couldn't say it. 

‘Yeah well, a lot went down in the end didn’t it,’ he said quietly. 

‘I know- Jesus Remus, I know,’ He said opening his eyes to stare at Remus. Sirius could look so cold and glaring sometimes, a trait of his family he could never quite shake. He seemed almost scary, the conversation turning to things left unsaid for 10 years. Remus pulled his wand and shakely cast a silencing charm around the doorway to Teddy’s bedroom. 

‘You know?’ Remus’ voice was dangerously quiet, ‘you know what it’s like to find out the only person you ever loved thought you were a traitor? You know what it's like to find out the people you cared about most in the world didn't trust you?’

“We trusted you before Remus! You can’t understand what it was like- I was home every day waiting for you and when you came home you couldn't tell me where you’d been or who you’d talked to! You couldn't even do the moons with us!’ Sirius burst, shouting everything he obviously been holding in for years. 

‘Me? You think this is my fault! my god Sirius you're so blind! I was helping in the war- I wasn't some death eater traitor! I spent every second away from you wishing I was home and as soon as I was I was treated like dirt and I couldn't help you understand! I couldn't do anything right,’ Remus could feel tears welling in his eyes as he shouted, desperately hoping Sirius wouldn't see them.

‘Even if you didn't know where I was..’ he began, his voice quieter now, ‘I was your best friend, I mean jesus Sirius we were more than…’ he couldn't finish the sentence, he couldn't bring himself to find the words. ‘I thought you’d trust me. I thought I meant more than that,’ He slumped down onto the floor, feeling, if possible, more hurt than before, 

Sirius, who had been pacing angrily, stopped and turned to face Remus. ‘I hadn't realised-’ he said slowly, his voice strained. He came and sat down next to Remus on the floor “I’m sorry,’ he said quietly, almost too quiet to hear. Remus turned to look at him, about to respond when-

‘Daddy? I can't sleep,’ Teddy stood in the doorway, clutching a threadbare toy dog. ‘Padfoot had a nightmare,’. Remus cursed internally, why had he chosen to name that stupid dog toy Padfoot. It had seemed ironic at the time, almost funny, but in front of Sirius it felt awkward and wrong. He got up, taking Teddy’s hand. 

‘C'mon Teddy Bear, let's get you back to bed,’. He led the boy back to his own room, turning round in the doorway to look back at Sirius, ‘Goodnight,’ he said softly, unsure why he had said it the second he did. He put Teddy back to bed, checking around the room for monsters and casting a spell that left floating lights around the room, a spell he’d not used in a long time. He felt a little sick as he did.

…

_‘Don't be daft pads,’ Remus laughed, looking down at the baby in his arms and grinning. Harry looked so much like his dad, although Remus was sure that the physical similarity didn't mean Harry wanted to listen to Bowie like James always did. ‘Try something else- we’re supposed to be good babysitters,’_

_Sirius, who was very badly dancing to ‘Changes’, poked his tongue at him. “We are good babysitters. The sprogs still alive isn't he. He’s just not sleeping,’_

_‘Lily said he has to be asleep by 9- its 12.30 now Pads at this rate he’ll be up when they get home,’_

_‘Alright alright- let me try this,’ Sirius said, pulling out his wand. He cast a simple spell and the room filled with dancing white orbs of light. Remus smiled softly, rocking the baby Harry in his arms._

_Ten minutes later he was asleep. Remus sat curled up in an armchair, afraid to put him down and wake him. Sirius sat on a chair opposite him, leant forwards, elbows resting on his knees, watching the sleeping baby._

_‘I always thought we’d be good with one of these,’ Sirius whispered softly, looking up at Remus, ‘ya know, a sprog of our own,’_

_‘I hate to break it to you, love, but I don't think we have the facilities,’ Remus said with a grin._

_Sirius stuck his tongue out ‘There are ways, we’d figure it out.’_

_Remus chuckled, ‘It wouldn't break your punk rock aesthetic too much? A little kid running round isn't very rock and roll’ he said, looking down at the sleeping baby in his arms._

_‘There's nothing more punk rock than a mini punk rock legend following me round- tiny leather jacket and all’ Sirius retorted. The moment he’d found out he was going to be a godfather Sirius had bought a tiny replica leather jacket that matched his, much to Lily’s disgust and James’s horror when Sirius had told them it was for when Harry was big enough for the motorbike. Remus had wondered if he’d have to buy a cardigan for the next one, who he’d been told he’d be godfather for._

_‘We could get one. Be dads. It’d be nice, having a family,’ Sirius said hopefully. Remus took a slow breath. He couldn't help but worry, knowing there's no way he’d ever be able to legally be a dad. Werewolf rights were next to non-existent. He pushed it from his mind._

_‘I’d like that too,’ He leant forwards, trying not to move Harry, and kissed Sirius. He could be so sweet sometimes, and it almost always took Remus by surprise._

…

Remus woke slightly later the next day, and he lay in bed for a few minutes trying to decide how he felt about the day before. Everything was happening so fast he couldn't be sure how to feel. He eventually got up, feeling as confused as ever, and went into the kitchen to once again find Teddy and Sirius together, although this time Teddy was sitting at the table and Sirius was in the kitchen attempting to make breakfast. 

‘Yeah so then your dad and I ran up to the top of the tower and we were trying to be quiet but we had like 4 birds each to carry,’ Sirius described to an awestruck Teddy, ‘We walked past McGonagall like three times, it was a wonder she didn't catch us,’ 

Remus pressed a quick kiss to the top of Teddy's head, who largely ignored his dad, enthralled in Sirius’ story. As he walked over to the kettle to make a coffee Sirius handed him an already made mug filled with coffee just as Remus took it. He mumbled a thanks and went to sit down next to Teddy, listening to Sirius' story. Occasionally he would add a detail, or censor something he thought Teddy might try and copy. He hadn’t remembered everything that Sirius talked about but the memories soon came flooding back to him. 

Sirius had made bacon sandwiches which the three boys ate ravenously. Once the pots were all away Teddy dragged Sirius over to the lounge to show him all the ‘cool lego he had’. Remus made himself another cup of tea and sat on the sofa reading essays from school. He occasionally read out a sentence or two he thought Sirius would find funny. 

It was only after a few hours like this that Remus was struck by how much the three of them were behaving like a family. There was so much unsaid between Sirius and Remus, so many moments of tension they were both clearly avoiding. Remus would often feel Sirius’ eyes on him, but as soon as he looked up it was like they were never there. 

Remus had completely forgotten that he’d agreed to let Teddy go round to a friends house for a sleepover until their mum arrived at the door at 2pm. They quickly packed a bag and he gave the mum his number incase of emergencies. It was only once the door shut behind them that Remus realised that meant he was alone with Sirius. Teddy had been a buffer until now, making things easier. 

He turned around to see Sirius sat on the sofa cross legged, reading the top of an essay Remus had left out. ‘This kid has a crush on you ya know,’ he said, turning to the next page to check the name. ‘She’s not even subtly about it. You know I hadn't even noticed your- what did she say,’ he flipped to the line in the story ‘eyes were like green orbs,’ 

Remus let out a dry chuckle ‘I really don't think she was writing about me,’ 

Sirius shrugged, putting the paper down. Remus came and sat on the sofa, flicking the telly on until something crap was playing. 

‘How did you end up with Teddy?’ Sirius asked, a little out of the blue, but something he’d clearly been thinking.

‘I didn't end up with him- I wanted him,’ Remus snapped harshly, protective over his son. 

Sirius blinked ‘I didn't mean it like..’

‘I know,’ Remus cut him off, taking a deep breath. ‘After everything happened it was hard for a while. No job, no friends, nothing. I spent a lot of time drinking.’ Sirius nodded his head, evidently able to relate. ‘I had a stupid night with a girl I barely knew and nine months later I got a phonecall,’

“Where is she now- the girl?’ Sirius asked, studying Remus’ face carefully.

‘I’m not sure. She comes and goes, drops in on Teddy every once in a while and then disappears again. He was three the last time she came though,’

‘Sounds awful,’ sirius commented and Remus shrugged.

‘Not really, I mean I’m happy being a single dad. Teddy’s my world and I don't think she was ready for that yet.’ Remus looked down ‘he’s got one parent that loves him enough for two. That's more than a lot of people really,’

They sat in silence for a few minutes, only the noise of the TV in the background. 

‘What do you do about the moons?’ Sirius asked softly, broaching a subject he knew was a touchy one. 

‘Ted stays with a friend from school most of the time,’ He said slowly, knowing that’s not what Sirius was asking. The moons had been rough since he lost his friends. They were harder without them around him. They reminded him too much of the past as well, back when he was happy.

….

_‘I can't believe it Prongs, did you see how fast we ran!’_

_‘Mate it was wicked,’_

_‘Don't know what you’re on about Pete, you had to sit on James’ back the whole time,’_

_‘Hey I still went fast!,’_

_Remus was starting to wake but he lay still for a few moments listening to his friends excitable conversations._

_‘Fast for a rat, nowhere near as fast as me though. Being a dog is definitely the best animagus,’_

_Remus couldn’t help himself as he mumbled ‘you're the only one with flees though,’, his eyes fluttering open to see his friends sat around his bed in the infirmary. Sirius almost squealed with excitement at Remus’ awakening, leaning across the bed to kiss him deeply._

_“Get off him you mangy mutt,’ James said with a laugh, pulling Sirius back to his chair, much to Remus’ dismay. ‘You feeling alright moons?’_

_‘Not too bad, they are getting easier I think,’ Remus said, feeling the aches in his bones but trying his best to ignore them. ‘Think I’ll be back in classes this afternoon,’_

_‘Nice try Mr Lupin- plenty of bed rest please,’ Madame Pomfry had noticed Remus was awake and came across to fuss over him. Remus hated all the attention, but surrounded by his best friends who all sat asking Madame Pomfrey ridiculous questions and pulling faces when she couldn't see them, he felt as happy as he’d ever been._

….

He was brought back to reality by Sirius lightly touching his arm ‘you alright Re?’ he asked softly. 

Remus bit his lip embarrassed at having drifted off. ‘Yeah yeah- I always get like this before a moon, don't worry about it,’ The moon was monday night and Remus was dreading it. He couldn't afford the new advances in potions that helped most werewolves- it was either school uniforms for Teddy or his potion, and Teddy always had what he needed. Remus made sure of that.

He looked down, Sirius fingers still lightly on his arm. He moved away, trying to appear nonchalant, although they both knew he wasn't. Thankfully the silence was broken by his stomach. 

‘Cmon lets get some dinner,’ Sirius said, getting off the couch. Remus followed him as Sirius began getting pots and pans out in his kitchen, looking inside his fridge. Remus grabbed a bottle of wine, opening it and pouring them both a glass as Sirius began to cook. He’d never been a particularly good cook but he had learnt a few simple dishes well. 

…

_‘Fuck me Pads what the hell is going on!’ Remus spluttered as thick black clouds of smoke made it impossible to see Sirius in their tiny kitchen. He managed to make his way to the window, opening it and letting the smoke out. He grabbed a tea towel and took whatever the charred mess in the oven was supposed to be and put it on the windowsill, finally able to see to the other side of the room where Sirius stood dejectedly._

_“Sorry,’ he said sadly, his cheeks flushed red with embarrassment. Remus was trying hard not to laugh at Sirius who looked so sad but was wearing a pink frilly apron that really didn't go with his usual aesthetic. “I was trying to surprise you with dinner. I looked up recipes and everything,’_

_Remus chuckled, crossing the room to his boyfriend and taking him in his arms. “You are incredibly sweet, has anyone ever told you?’ He said, leaning down to kiss him softly. It always felt right with Sirius in his arms._

_''m not sweet, I'm macho,’ Sirius mumbled into Remus' shoulder, burying his head there._

_'Ah yes, my macho man,’ Remus said with a laugh. “I appreciate the effort Pads I really do but- pizza?’ He asked as his stomach gave a telltale growl._

_'I already ordered one,’ Sirius admitted. ‘That was supposed to be the crumble for pudding. The main course went tits up hours ago,’_

….

Sirius must have worked on his cooking skills because he soon whipped up a simple pasta dish for them both. They sat at the table in what, to Remus, felt like an all to formal setting. It was clunky and awkward, Remus almost knocking over the wine at one point. Sirius tried to make polite conversation which Remus responded to but only barely. Without Teddy there to act as a buffer there were far too many real things to talk about that small talk felt useless. 

Once they'd eaten Remus got up to do the pots, starting to wash up as Sirius brought the last few plates in. He turned around to take a plate from him, not realising how close Sirius was to him and found his chest pressed up against the smaller mans. He could smell Sirius, a mixture of cigarette smoke and peppermint. Remus’ breathing hitched as Sirius looked up at him, his hand resting on the counter behind Remus to steady himself. 

There was a moment, a beat that seemed to last forever as Remus’ brain ran at 200 miles per hour. He knew it was stupid, he knew he was supposed to be angry at Sirius but he couldnt help himself- he felt to at home in this moment. His hands were pressed up against Sirius’ chest, and he gripped Sirius’ t-shirt, steadying himself but also pulling him closer. 

‘Well hello there’ Sirius said, his voice deeper and whispered, eyes dilated and darker. He knew exactly what was running through Remus’ head as it was the same things he was thinking, but he couldn’t make the first move. 

Remus bent his head down and kissed him. 

Kissing Sirius was like nothing else Remus had ever experienced. He had always hated old romantic cliches but when the films showed fireworks when people kissed, Remus understood why. The kiss was hungry, filled with intensity and lost time. Sirius pressed Remus up against the counter, his hands running through Remus hair. They broke for air and Remus couldn't help but grin at Sirius’ cocky smile. 

'Well that was unexpected,’ Sirius said teasingly, his hand resting on Remus’ hip. ‘Not that I’m complaining, I do like a surprise,’ 

Remus chuckled softly ‘Shut up you berk,’ he mumbled, kissing Sirius again, pulling him towards the bedroom. 

…

It was midnight as they lay in bed, Remus between Sirius’ legs laying against him. An unlit cigarette was between Sirius’ lips. 

‘I hate them things you know,’ Remus said as Sirius lit it. 

‘Nah you don’t,’ Sirius said with a grin, ‘You think they're cool, you just pretend to hate them to keep up the image,’. He passed the cigarette to Remus who took a drag. 

‘Damn you caught me,’ Remus said with dry humour. ‘Pity one of us has to be a role model,’ he said, exhaling the smoke. 

‘So what now?’ Sirius asked softly, knowing it might break the perfect spell they'd been under all evening. 

Remus sighed, running hand through his hair ‘I have no idea Sirius. I've got the moon on Monday and by Tuesday you’ll have buggered off to save the world again,’ he said quietly ‘I don't know what you want me to say,’

Sirius paused, taking another inhale of his cigarette. ‘I could not bugger off quite so far this time. I mean if you wanted,’

Remus couldn't help but grin at Sirius’ tone, all nervous and sweet. It reminded him of the first time they’d kissed at Hogwarts. 

….

_Remus rubbed his forehead, his bones still aching from the moon a few nights beforehand, as he sat reading. They were all sitting in their pj’s after a late night kitchen run, having drunk hot chocolates and eaten far too many chocolate cakes._

_Sirius, was sat on the opposite end of the same sofa as Sirius, had been having a heated debate with Lily Evans of all people, who had become good friends with both Remus and Sirius- although Remus suspected she had initiated their friendship only to wind James up and ended up actually liking them both. He was hung over the sofa to lean down and speak to her, his pj’s matching with James, something they had been mercilessly teased for although they clung to Sirius in just the right places to make Remus wonder what was underneath them. Once Evans went to bed Sirius turned to Remus._

_‘C’mon Re entertain me then’ he said with a cheeky grin, ‘soggy toast perfect Lupin whose nose is always in a book’_

_‘We need this book Pads, it's for the Halloween prank’ Remus said, not even looking up. He was blatantly lying, having been reading Wuthering Heights instead, but he’d found that they were more likely to let him read in peace if they thought he was doing something productive to help their general mischief._

_‘No you’re not’ Sirius said, reclining across the sofa and putting his feet in Remus’ lap. Remus didn't even look up as he lifted his book slightly to make room for them. They often sat like this, and it hadn't occurred to Remus at the time that it was only with Remus that Sirius sat so close and so intimately. ‘It’s that muggle chick flick rubbish you always read when you’re heartbroken’ he said_

_‘Who did it this time- Gideon? That ravenclaw bloke?’ Sirius knew Remus was gay after he blurted it out once when they’d confronted him about being a werewolf. Remus had assumed they’d found out about his sexuality and come out completely by accident, although the boys hadn’t cared either way._

_‘Sod off Pads’ Remus frowned, looking up from his passage at him. ‘I’ve barely dated at all. Not like you with that string of girls that follow you round.’_

_‘Yeah but I don't do anything with them.’ Sirius said, pouting, ‘not like you and Gideon- you guys went out for a year!’_

_Remus shut his book, turning to face Sirius, eyebrow raised._

_‘Sirius Black- if I didn't know any better I’d say you were jealous’ ’ he asked, teasing him._

_‘Yeah well- no I'm- no yeah’’ he spluttered, crossing his legs as well to face Remus_

_Remus laughed ‘It’s fine Sirius- you have my blessing. Gideon is an attractive fella and I give you both my blessing’_

_Sirius eyes glared across at him, taking a short breath ‘It’s not Gideon I’m jealous over,’_

_Remus didn't know what to say. The atmosphere moved from jovial and teasing to full of tension. “Sirius what are you-’ he asked, so full of self-doubt he’d never allowed himself to contemplate the possibility that Sirius Black might actually like him. Sirius' hand had rested on his neck, holding the side of his face softly._

_‘Shut up and kiss me you berk’ Sirius said, shuffling closer to allow Remus to lean forwards and kiss him._

…

The next morning came round far too fast and with it the harsh reality that daylight often brought. Remus was up before Sirius, having stolen a cigarette from his pack, even though he didn have a stash of his own hidden somewhere. He never smoked normally, having smoked a little in highschool before quitting. 

He sat on the front step with his cigarette, watching the world go by, deep in thought. He didn't notice Sirius behind him until he heard his voice say ‘those thing will kill you ya know’

Sirius sat beside him on the step. “I think they're rock and roll,'' Remus said with a half smile, taking the coffee Sirius had brought out for him. He had thrown a hoodie on with a pair of joggers, his usual sunday morning wear. 

He could feel Sirius’ side against his own as he looked down at his coffee. “I don’t know what to say Sirius’ he said slowly, ‘I think we might have messed up’

Sirius' hand rested on Remus’ thigh, squeezing it, making Remus look up at him. ‘My beautiful, soggy toast prefect Re- just- just stop okay,’ he said, looking at Remus as though he thought if he studied his face enough it’d let him in. ‘I’ll do whatever you want to, but I don’t think we should throw this away again,’

Remus, who had been almost lost in Sirius' eyes, felt the words hit him like a truck. “Fuck Sirius we didnt throw it away,’ he stood up, pushing Sirius’ hand off him. ‘We had it ripped from us, we fucked it up because the world tore it away,’ He turned and headed inside, feeling angry. He couldn't ignore what had happened and he felt so much resentment for the wizarding world it was hard to see past it.

He slammed his coffee down angrily on the kitchen counter, not caring that it spilled a little over. Running a hand through his hair he couldn't help but remember what it’d been like before. 

…

_His entire body ached as he unlocked the door to their tiny flat, wanting nothing more than to collapse into the bed he and Sirius shared. The moon was so much worse now he ran with the wolves, and there was an uneasy feeling that came with it as he had no idea what destruction he may have caused. It was getting harder for Remus to remind himself he wasn't a monster._

_He threw his keys onto the table, and it was only when he turned around he noticed that Sirius was still sitting up in the lounge._

_‘Hey,’ he said gently, just the sight of his boyfriend making him feel better. ‘Sorry I’m back late,’. He crossed over to kiss Sirius, but the smaller man turned his head away from him, his arms crossed._

_‘Where were you?’ he asked, eyes stoney and cold._

_Remus shuffled his feet, ‘I was out Sirius- I don't know what you want me to say,’_

_‘I want you to say you’re on our side. I want you to say you’re not doing what I think you are. I want you to tell me where you want,’ Sirius spat. Remus couldn't help but be reminded of Sirius’ family when he was angry, particularly when Sirius had been sat angry for a while. Sirius was prone to dramatic outbursts, and Remus knew how to calm them down, but when Sirius had been sitting stewing over an issue it made him cold and biting._

_‘I’m on your side Pads, oh my god do you think I'm not?’ Remus asked, his eyes welling with tears, ‘You know I’d never- I couldn't-’_

_Sirius stood up and pulled his wand, pushing Remus aggressively up against the wall, his arm on Remus neck ‘I want to check- What was our first fight about?’._

_‘I thought you were going to leave me- you were insulted that I didn’t trust you and I slept in the common room for a week’ Remus rattled off, pushing Sirius’ arm off him. ‘Jesus christ Pads- stop it,’ he walked away from Sirius, all but collapsing into his usual arm chair._

_‘You didn't do the moon with us,’ Sirius said quietly. ‘The first moon in 5 years Re, the first moon you’ve done alone,’_

_Remus shifted in the chair so he could reach out to Sirius, pulling him towards him until he was sitting in the same chair, a tangle of legs and arms to get comfortable. ‘I know. It was awful, and if it wasn't for all of this I’d…’ he couldn't finish his sentence. Sirius' hand went to his cheek, pulling his head up for a soft kiss._

__

__

‘I know love,’ he whispered, his head bending to press his face into Remus’ collar bone, ‘I know’. Neither man acknowledged the tears on their cheeks as they sat together, both praying that this wouldn't tear them apart.

....


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius and Remus try to figure out what the hell theyre doing, and the moon aproaches.

Remus didn't realise there were tears on his cheeks until he heard Sirius behind him and he used his sleeve to wipe them away. 

‘Teddy will be home soon,’ he said quietly, picking his coffee back up. ‘I think we should discuss everything later tonight,’ 

Sirius nodded- ‘I'm not trying to- what im trying to say is im not deliberately trying to confuse things,’ he said. 

Remus nodded ‘I know- and if i didn't have Ted I wouldn't even think twice before we started something, but our life is stable and I don't want to upset anything,’ 

And so they procrastinated discussing anything. By the time Teddy was dropped back home they were sitting playing chess on an old muggle chessboard. Sirius kept talking to the pieces trying to get them to move when he forgot they weren’t magic, which Remus couldn't help but laugh at. 

‘Aww c’mon now you're just showing off,’ Sirius said frustratedly as Remus' queen took his last remaining rook. 

‘I forgot how bad you were at this Black,’ remus said with a grin. 

‘Daddy!!” Teddy cried out, running over and leaping onto Remus’ back, arms flung around his neck.

‘Hello little man,’ Remus grinned after getting over the physical shock of the sudden weight of a five year old. ‘Did you have a good time at Molly’s?’ Teddy nodded, letting Remus pick him up, has arms still firmly round Remu’s neck. ‘Did you say thank you to Molly’s mummy?’. Another small nod from the clearly exhausted child. Sleepovers always made Teddy cranky the next day, too much junk food and too little sleep did that to a child. 

Remus carried him out to the door, waving off Molly’s mum after a few pleasantries and the promise Teddy could go over again on Monday night. She didn't really understand the monthly visits, only that Mr Lupin wasn't well and that she could help by giving him a night off a month. 

When they came back upstairs Teddy had started to get tearful for no real reason, his eyes watering and his face pressed into his daddy’s jumper to try and calm himself down. Remus softly whispered reassurances to his son, knowing that he often worried in the build up to the moon- too young to understand what it actually was but old enough to recognise that Remus was in pain once a month. 

Sirius stood and watched the scene from the living room. He could see the anxiety building within their tiny family, wanting desperately to interject. He wanted to be the one to reassure remus, to make teddy laugh and forget his problems, to sit with them both and watch horrible muggle kids telly and eat ice cream. He wanted the family life now, he wanted Remus back. 

Instead of doing any of that he silently moved into the kitchen and began making mac and cheese, knowing it was always a hit with kids. He’d made it for Harry when he was younger. 

He hadn’t seen Harry since he was Teddy’s age. The Dursleys had originally played nice, using Sirius far too much as a babysitter at last minute notice. Sirius lived for his moments with Harry, no matter how painful it was that he looked so much like James. The last day he’d seen him had been six years ago, when Harry had let it slip what his living situation was really like. He’d shown Sirius the cupboard, shown him the bruise that was from ‘walking into a door I swear!’. Sirius had gone wild, pulled out his wand and physically attacked Vernon Dursley, screamed at Pertunia and had been dragged off the premises by the muggle police. They’d turned a blind eye to Harry’s abuse, obviously more focused on the deranged madman that was wielding a stick at a family. Two days later came the restraining order and a bollocking from Dumbledore. 

It was the only reason he worked for the order like he did. He had to get access back to Harry, and every year Dumbledore promised him he’d sort it out in return for his loyalty and work. He couldn't bring himself to risk losing the kid for good so he played the fool and followed orders. He wrote Harry letters once a week but never heard back. 

Sirius was shaken from his thoughts as he felt Remus’ presence behind him. ‘Ted loves mac and cheese,’ he said with a soft smile. 

Sirius nodded, ‘most kids do,’ he responded, focusing on stirring the pasta slightly more than was necessary. ‘I used to-’ he cut himself off. ‘It’s not hard to make, I think it's a comfort food for everyone’

Remus could feel something had changed with Sirius, his mood had drifted, so he let him be, instead beginning to set the table. 

Ted came out from his room when he smelt the food, rubbing his eye clumsily with his fist. ‘What we having?’ he asked Sirius with a yawn, reaching his arms up for Sirius to pick him up. Sirius bent down, a reflex, before he looked across at Remus, who was watching them both careful. He gave him a little nod of approval before turning back to continue laying plates. Sirius picked up the tired child, letting him sit on the countertop. 

They chatted quietly about the food, Sirius making Teddy giggle by suggesting increasingly absurd ingredients to add. ‘Oh when I make this at home I always add chocolate spread to this- what do you think Ted?’. Remus couldn't help but be impressed by the way Sirius was behaving around his son. He knew it was wishful thinking to want them to be anything like a proper family, but at that moment he really thought it could happen. 

Dinner went by quickly and after a ploughing through two chapters of the Hobbit Teddy was wrapped up asleep in bed and Remus and Sirius were once again alone. 

They sat on opposite ends of the sofa, both not daring to get too close to the other man, afraid of what they'd do. 

Remus winced slightly as he shifted in his seat, his body aching more now. ‘What are you doing for tomorrow night?’ Sirius asked softly, his eyes filled with concern. 

‘I'm having a party Sirius, what do you think?’ Remus said slightly more tersely than Sirius deserved. Sirius just chewed his lip and watched him expectantly. Remus sighed ‘I'm doing what I always do. Teddy goes to his friends for the evening, I struggle through work and go to-’ he hesitated, not wanting to tell Sirius what he did, knowing he’d react exactly the way he did. 

‘You don't go back there!’ Sirius gasped ‘not on your own Re, after everything we did to make it better!’

‘Poppy’s able to fix me up after, Severus makes the healing potions for me- it’s the only way I get to do it quickly enough to be home for Teddy,’ Remus said quietly, trying to diffuse Sirius a little.

‘You take something Snivillius has made you! After everything we went through at school with that toerag you take his potions! I could have done it for you, I could have been there if you’d asked!” Sirius was standing now and pacing. 

Remus saw red a little at that, pushing himself to his feet to face Sirius. ‘You could have helped? I didn't see you exactly lining up to be best buddies again any time in the last 10 years!’ 

‘I- I wanted to Re I did,’ Sirius took a tentative step towards the taller man, ‘I thought about you every month, every day. I was too- I was scared,’ He reached up and brushed a strand of hair out of Remus’ face. 

‘Are you still scared now?’ Remus asked softly, his hand resting on Sirius’ hips.

‘Terrified’ he muttered as he brushed his lips against Remus’. Unlike the kiss in the kitchen this was much softer, much more tender. There wasn't the urgency, the rush to it. They could just exist in this time, in this space, forever. It was like they were students again. 

…

_‘Oi moonbeam where do you want this box?’ James shouted up the stairs, his arms full with a cardboard box that someone has messily scrawled the words ‘marauders shit’ across._

_‘Somewhere in the lounge,’ Remus shouted back as James came up the narrow staircase, followed by Sirius who was carrying a considerably lighter box behind him._

_‘How come you didn't ask me? It’s half my flat as well you know,’ Sirius grumbled, putting his box down on the coffee table, already stained with mug rings and coffee spillages._

_‘Because, love, you have no clue what's in any of these boxes because I packed them all,’ Remus quipped from the kitchen. ‘You're basically here to be my trophy wife,’_

_That earned him a flick with a tea towel from Lily, who was washing up some pots that they'd used for takeaway the night before. ‘Stop distracting them Moony or they’ll never get it all up in time. Funnily enough I’d like to go back to my own flat today,’_

_‘Are you sure we can’t keep you Lils? You’re so much better at this adulting shit than we are,’ Sirius said, walking into the kitchen to lean against his partner._

_‘Back off Black she’s mine,’ James laughed, coming up behind Lily and wrapping his arms around her._

_‘Gerroff me you’re all sweaty,’ Lily moaned, not making the slightest effort to get him to let go of her. That was all it took, however, for James to hoist her over his shoulder and carry her squealing into the living room, shouting about how ‘strong’ and ‘manly’ he was._

_Remus watched them go, grinning, before looking back down at Sirius who was studying his face intently. ‘Couples- urgh,’ Remus said softly._

_‘Disgusting aren't they,’ Sirius murmured leaning upwards, his hands running up to brush through Remus’ messy curls ._

_‘Absolutely,’ Remus closed the space to kiss his boyfriend_

_…._

The kiss broke far too quickly for Remus’ liking as Sirius pulled back, pressing his lips together. “Re- I wanted to- I don’t want to push you,’. Remus sighed, he’d hoped they could forget about the serious stuff for a moment, but such was adult life that it always got in the way.

‘I know- you're not pushing me. Trust me, I want this as much as you do-,’ Remus ran his hand through his hair restlessly. ‘It’s all this bullshit baggage. I mean i want you here, with me.’ Remus chewed his lip anxiously ‘I want this life but I know it can't-- it won't happen. That's not how life works,’

Sirius frowned, taking Remus’ hands in his own and pulling him to sit down on the sofa. ‘Why can't it? I don't understand?’

‘Because Sirius, it never does, does it? I mean think about it- aside from Teddy i’ve not been able to hold onto anything good in my life at all. You, them-’ he looked down at his hands in Sirius’, watching as Sirius ran his fingers over his knuckles ‘- it just doesn't work like that for me,’ 

Sirius lips formed a soft smile ‘you daft bugger,’ he murmured, ‘I can't believe you’re preaching the same shit you did 15 years ago,’. He pulled Remus towards him, letting his back rest against Sirius’ chest and wrapping his arms around the werewolf. ‘You’re worthy of love Re. You always have been. So stop deciding your not before you let anyone even try,’

Remus exhaled, shutting his eyes to try and savour the moment as much as he could. ‘Sirius there's so much we have to decide still..’

‘I know, but not right now,’ Sirius shifted slightly underneath him, getting comfy. ‘All we have to do right now is stay here, okay?’

....

_‘Sirius stop it- just stop,’ Remus pushed the other boy away, who had until that moment been kissing him quite enthusiastically. ‘I can't do this,’_

_‘Do what? I thought we were both having a rather good time,’ Sirius said, wiggling his eyebrows playfully. They were in Remus’ bed, the dorm room blissfully empty thanks to James quidditch practice, which Peter had decided to go and watch. It was two weeks into their relationship (although neither of them had actually used that term yet)._

_‘C’mon pads, just stop for a minute- I don't think I can do this,’ Remus gestured between them. ‘I mean- there's so much to make it go tits up. You’re you and I’m me! And what about the moons- I’m technically a dangerous animal. You don't want to get close to-’ Remus was stopped mid train of thought by a kiss. Sirius grinned boyishly as it broke._

_‘For the smart one out of us all you sure are daft moony,’ he said, taking the werewolf’s hand in his own. ‘I already know about your furry little problem-’ Remus pulled a face at the name, something James had come up with last year, ‘- and forgive me if I'm not quaking in my boots at you but I hardly think you’re a dangerous animal. You’re a soggy toast prefect who is the only sensible one out of the lot of us, not some mad beast I’m afraid,’_

_Remus was about to protest but Sirius pushed him backwards into the bed, climbing to sit on him, legs either side of his hips. ‘And as for you being you and me being me…’ He leant forwards so Remus could feel his breath on his neck ‘I do believe that's rather the appeal,’_

_…._

In the stress of everything Remus must have drifted off, and was awoken the next morning to the sun streaming through the windows and a hyperactive five year old, fully recovered from the exhaustion of the previous day, bounding into the room. He sat up groggily, only computing the position he was in when Teddy said loudly ‘no fair you guys had a sleepover!’

‘What's goin’ on,’ Sirius asked sleepily, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand as he sat up a bit. 

‘Teddy wants to know why we had a sleepover without him,’ Remus said, getting up and stretching, feeling his bones aching and clicking. He winced a little at the pain, biting his lip.

‘Oh right- erm well- we sort of-’ Sirius stumbled through his words as Teddy looked at him expectantly. Eventually he gave in and got up too, sticking his hand out for Teddy ‘c'mon little man let's get you some breakfast,’

It was amazing how natural it looked for Sirius to be sorting out his son, Remus thought to himself, watching as Teddy chatted happily about what to eat with Sirius, allowing himself to be picked up and sat on the countertop so he could help him make scrambled eggs. Sirius caught Remus’ eye and winked at him before nodding his head towards the bathroom ‘go on- I’ll be fine,’ he mouthed. Remus grinned before padding to the bathroom to get ready for the day.

Remus returned to find Teddy fed and happy, asking Sirius loads of questions about his dog and when he’d be back. 

‘C’mon Ted- time to get ready for school,’ Remus said, resting his hand on Teddy’s shoulder. ‘You’re back at Molly’s again tonight as well so we need to pack your bag,’ 

Teddy grinned, excitedly chatting about all the toys he was going to take and ‘really cool games’ he and Molly had planned to play that evening. Remus yawned in spite of himself. He really wanted to be present for his son, to be able to pay attention to everything he said, but the build up to the moon was just too much. His senses always seemed overwhelming the day of a moon, every sound and smell seemed amplified. Right now he could smell Sirius from across the room and the scent, whilst comforting, also send him a little mad. 

He got Teddy dressed and ready, and whilst Teddy was putting on his shoes (which he could do by himself now daddy honestly!) Sirius pulled Remus aside.

‘Look I've been thinking- let me do the moon with you,’ he said quickly, the feeling of his hand resting on Remus' arm almost setting Remus off right there. 

‘Sirius I can’t- it’s at Hogwarts and Dumbledore’s orders to lay low-’ Remus was chewing on his fingers anxiously until Sirius took his hands in his. 

‘Please- I can't sit in this flat and know you’re out there somewhere hurting. I’ll sneak in and out, no-one has to know I was there,’ 

‘I’ve got to get to work Sirius,’ Remus took his hands back, stretching his fingers out and sighing. He knew having Sirius there would make things so much easier, and he missed running across the moors together. It wouldn't be the same without a stag and a rat there but Remus pushed it to the back of his mind. ‘Fine, okay- meet me outside the willow at five,’

Sirius smiled softly, ‘Thank you Re,’. He leant up and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek before sending him off to work. 

…

The rest of the day was a nightmare- the kids were rowdy and far too loud for Remus’ senses. He tried to set tests and quiet activities on days of the moon but he’d completely forgotten what with Sirius’ appearance and instead was left actually teaching which was a huge pain. 

“For the last time Mr Jones if I see you out of your seat again I’ll have to give you a detention,’ Remus heard himself saying, desperately trying to get a class of year nines interested in Shakespeare, a lost cause he knew. 

“But Sir-’

‘Don't but sir me, just sit down and continue your reading,’ Remus said, putting his head in his hands on his desk. It was the 4th period, and once this lesson was over it’d be lunch and he’d have an hour off to do whatever he wanted, such as crawl off into a dark corner and die. At that moment the bell rang, a piercing sound that only made Remus wince as he stood up. 

‘Right, pack away your things everyone. Don't forget I want 1000 words on the significance of the courtroom scene in ‘The Merchant of Venice’ for thursday. Add in past productions if you can. Mr Jones I expect you to actually hand it in on time this week, I’d hate to have to get your parents in this close to christmas. Miss Murry if you could please try to bring your books to lessons as well I'm sure you’d have a much better time,’

The classroom emptied hurriedly, everyone rushing off to lunch, and as the throng of students pushed through the door Remus fell back into his chair exhausted and aching. His entire body felt like it was being crushed under its own weight and simultaneously stretched apart. He put his head in his hands, feeling close to tears. He wasn't so emotional normally- stressed and worried yes- but the added unknown Sirius brought into his life scared him shitless. They hadn't decided what they were yet and every move Remus made felt like it’d be the last. He knew it was stupid to bebt his life on Sirius again, but every time he thought about him he could see Sirius’ body in his minds eye, feel Sirius’ touch and it made everything so muhc harder. He groaned loudly, sitting back in his chair and rubbing his eyes ‘pull yourself together lupin and stop thinking with your dick,’

‘Shame- I rather liked your dick being in charge of you,’ a voice drawled from the doorway. Remus looked up in shock to see Sirius leaning against the doorframe holding takeaway coffee cups and a paper bag that Remus could smell from across the room- something freshly baked. ‘So this is Mr Lupin’s room?’ he asked looking around ‘very soggy toast prefect of you moony- becoming a teacher,’

Remus chuckled weakly ‘I teach Shakespeare to teens and actually enjoy it- you knew I was the mad one,’ he said, holding his hand out for the coffee in Sirius’ hand. It was a fancy type, nothing Remus could get locally so Sirius must have travelled to get it. He took a sip gratefully.

‘I like it,’ Sirius said, sitting on the edge of Remus’ desk, ‘It’s very you,’ Remus’ classroom warm, despite the graffitied desks and worn walls the room was covered in fading posters of past plays and books, with bits of paper stuck up haphazardly, students work or thoughts.

Remus said nothing, looking up at Sirius through the steam of his coffee. The moon made him impulsive, he knew what’d happen if he stood up from his seat behind his desk, he knew what he’d be unable to stop. The silence stretched comfortably between them, Remus wrapped up in his own thoughts of Sirius and Sirius taking in the classroom. 

Once he’d finished his coffee Remus no longer had the comforting feeling of the cup in his hand to stop him and he couldn't help it. He reached out for Sirius, pulling the smaller man round so he was facing him, still leant against the desk. ‘This okay?’ he asked in a whisper, his hands running over Sirius's waist, looking up at him with big dark eyes. 

Sirius nodded, leaning his head down until Remus could feel his breath on his face. ‘This is perfect,’ he said softly, before Remus broke the space between them, kissing him softly. It was lazy and beautiful, Remus’ hands resting on Sirius' waist to hold him as Sirius’ arms rested on his shoulders. Time seemed to slow with Sirius, every movement and every detail coming sharply into focus for Remus every second they were together. 

Remus had never been so grateful for the lack of windows in his classroom door. They spent the rest of lunch together, soft whispers of conversation between kisses, lunch forgotten. Remus pushed his doubts to the back of his mind and just enjoyed Sirius’ presence. When the bell rang Sirius was sitting on Remus lap, legs straddling Remus’, his hands in Remus’ hair. “It’s been a while since we were interrupted by a bell,’ he joked, grinning down at the slightly blushing werewolf who had completely lost his sense of place and now felt a bit sheepish about snogging in his classroom. 

.......

_‘Shhh moony she’ll catch us,’ Sirius laughed, his body pressed up close to Remus’. In the dim light of the closet Remus could just make out the features of Sirius’ face, but only if he really squinted. His arm was around Sirius' waist, holding him close against him to stop the pair falling over._

_‘I’m trying pads- wait what was..’ Sirius' hand flew up to Remus' mouth to muffle him. The clack of shoes against cold stone floors was growing louder and remus could see the shadow of a pair of feet from through the cupboard door. He stridently avoided eye contact with Sirius, afraid of laughing._

_There was a sigh from the other side of the door that only made remus want to giggle even more, but the heavy oak door stayed shut. After a few more seconds the footsteps began again and they began getting distant._

_Sirius exhaled, leaning back against the wall of the cupboard ‘that was close moony,’ he grinned. Remus nodded, biting his lip_

_‘That's part of the fun of it pads,’ he laughed_

_Sirius pouted playfully ‘and here's me thinking i was the only attraction, but no I understand Mr Adrenaline Junkie,’_

_Remus laughed louder at that comment ‘we’ll there are other draws to this as well,’ he grinned, leaning against Sirius so he was pushed right back into the wall, his hands resting on Sirius’ waist._

_‘care to demonstrate any moons?’ Sirius said playfully before Remus caught his mouth with his own._

_._

_._

_._

_._

_._

_._

The afternoon was hellish. Remus felt nauseous and there was too much noise and smell in the classroom that overwhelmed his senses. It was a full afternoon and he barely sat down the entire time, teaching Tennessee Williams to his year 12s meant a lot of practical work. He spent an hour marking after work before apperating to outside Hogwarts gates, making it to the Willow just after five. 

Sirius was waiting for him in dog form and he pushed the knot in the tree to let the pair of them up the tunnel. The shack was just as remus had left it after the previous month, tattered and torn from the transformation. Sirius turned back into himself and looked at Remus in shock. ‘You shouldn't be doing this here- Jesus Re its worse than when you were a kid,’ his voice was full of concern. 

‘I don't have a choice Sirius,’ Remus mumbled, sitting on the piano stool and facing him. 

‘does pomfrey bring the potion up to you or do you already have it?’ Sirius asked quietly. Remus had hoped he wouldn't bring it up and he grimaced. 

‘Wolfsbanes expensive Sirius,’ he said softly, as though if he were quiet enough Sirius wouldn't hear. 

‘fucking hell Remus! you don't fully transform here without the potions?! you’ll rip yourself to pieces!’ Sirius burst, pacing the wooden floorboards ‘why didn't you… Re you can't go without that shit, fucking christ,’ 

Remus just looked up at Sirius through his eyelids, breathing heavy ‘I won't let Ted go without so I have a potion,’ he whispered ‘it's worth it,’ his voice trembled a little, wobbling as though on the verge of tears. He knew not having the potion was a stupid choice but he refused to be a bad parent. Sirius was the only person who’d seemed to have a problem with it up until now.

Sirius looked across at him and his shoulders fell, the angry tension melting slightly. He crossed the room and crouched in front of him, his hand cupping Remus’ cheek. ‘i'm sorry- i- we’ll fix it for next month, it won't be like this again,’ he said gently, his voice smooth and comforting. 

Remus leant his head into Sirius' hand and pressed a soft kiss to the thumb tracing patterns over his lips. He pulled Sirius up to him, not caring that it made an awkward position for Sirius to kneel, he wanted him. He kissed him softly, needing the comfort desperately. His hands ran through Sirius' hair, still long and slightly unruly. He’d always loved that hair, he’d almost had an aneurysm the day Lily plaited it for him for quidditch, but best was when he’d wake up and Sirius would be wearing one of Remus’ jumpers and his hair was held together by his wand messily in a pile on Sirius head. He’d taken great joy in pulling the wand out and pulling Sirius back to bed with him. 

Eventually they broke the kiss, Remus bones achingly reminding him of the day. He pulled Sirius onto the stool with him, facing the piano. ‘Play for me?’ he asked gently, looking across at Sirius.

Sirius had often sat and played for him before the moons at school, whenever it was just the pair of them if James quidditch practice ran late or Pete had detention. Sirius nodded and ran his fingers hesitantly over the keys before they settled on an opening note. His piano abilities were something of a secret, a hangover from a pureblood upbringing where you always either played piano or violin. Sirius had hated that he could play because of the connotation, but he couldn't bring himself to hate the instrument itself, it brought him too much joy to play it. His fingers danced naturally over the keys and Remus was mesmerised. They sat at the piano, the music washing over them until the bones in Remus’ body began to crack as the moonlight drifted in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cheers guys for all the kudos on the last chapter! its amazing anyone actually reads my little fic- please feel free to comment or message me with any ideas or thoughs.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading this chapter! I've not written in a while so this is very exciting for me :)


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